Safety

The notion of safety intrigues me. We worry so much about "being safe." How can we keep ourselves, our friends, our families, our country safe? Safe from what? From violence, natural disasters, death, accidents, etc. What people fear, and thus what they feel the need to keep safe from, varies greatly. One's belief over how much control they have in this world makes the need for safety vary. Our life experiences make it vary.

I went to a Bulls game tonight with R. and I convinced her to walk a mile to the bus instead of taking a taxi like she wanted. The area wasn't the nicest in the city, but I wasn't afraid. Enough people were around; enough cars were driving by; the streets were well lit; it was only 10pm; there were two of us. I had made the walk and waited for the bus later at night by myself in the same neighborhood before. I felt safe enough both times. R. got out her mace and made comments about the boarded up buildings. She didn't feel safe at all.

Why did I feel safe and why didn't she? We're both young women, both white, both have lived in the city for over a year- but we varied so greatly on our level of comfort with the area we were in.

There as many reasons our safety level varied as there are differences in our personalities, but I wonder if she would feel safe in the situations that scare me. She took a taxi to her place from the bus stop. I feel more comfortable standing in the middle of a "bad" neighborhood than I do sitting alone in a taxi with a man. I feel safer walking alone at night than I do drinking with acquaintances. I would rather be the only girl in a bar in less nice neighborhood than in one with fraternity type men.

I think my experiences make me more weary of people I know than of strangers. I think experiencing violence and a complete violation of safety already has lead me to both know that I can survive anything and to some extent to doubt the idea that it's even possible to be safe. That safety even exists. I can certainly do things to try and keep danger at bay. I can travel in groups; I can stay away from "bad" neighborhoods; I can pay attention when I am out alone; I can choose to live in a state that doesn't get hurricanes or earthquakes etc. I can always look both ways before I cross the street. I can meet new people in public places. I can do everything suggested to keep myself "safe," but when does one stop living in fear of danger (of death)?

And, even if I do all those things, I can get jumped in my nice neighborhood. My apartment can catch on fire. A drunk driver can hit me on the sidewalk. After getting to know someone well, he can assault me. I can only do so much. I can only control myself. At some point, regardless of what I do, the world takes over.

More

I want to be doing something more with my life. I want to feel like each day is making a difference--if not to an individual person, then to society as a whole; if not to society, then at least for myself.

This isn't enough for me. This isn't who I am. I am meant, I have made myself meant, for more.