Happiness Is...

(Haven't done one of these in far too long.)

1. Realizing that getting a "B" in a class isn't the worst thing in the world.

2. Skipping classes to read, in bed, for fun, for the entire day! (Hunger Games! Read it!)

3. Knowing that in 28 days I will (a) have finished my first year of graduate school and (b) will be in Chicago with my people.

4. Hiking in Red Rocks, moving my body as it wants to be moved, witnessing the gloriousness of Colorado.

5. Talking with a fabulous friend for hours and hours.

6. Watching a Red Wings playoff game with wonderful people!

7. Being able to provide support to friends, old and new, when they find life too overwhelming.

8. Planning my 26th birthday party!

9. Thinking about Telluride and how amazing the festival will be!

10. Getting overwhelmed with school work, not having a summer job, and planning next year... and then remember that it will all work out in the long run.

“Someday, sometime, you will be sitting somewhere. A berm overlooking a pond in Vermont. The lip of the Grand Canyon at sunset. A seat on the subway. And something bad will have happened: You will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something at which you badly wanted to succeed. And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for some core to sustain you. And if you have been perfect all your life and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where that core ought to be.”
-Anna Quindlen, Being Perfect

I miss Chicago with every part of me. My friends who are my family, my security, my confidence, my babes, my city, my neighborhood.... my old life.

Daughter
by Nicole Blackman

"One day I’ll give birth to a tiny baby girl
and when she’s born she’ll scream
and I’ll tell her to never stop

I will kiss her before I lay her down at night
and will tell her a story so she knows
how it is and how it must be for her to survive

I’ll tell her to set things on fire
and keep them burning
I’ll teach her that fire will not consume her
that she must use it

I’ll tell her that people must earn the right
to use her nickname
that forced intimacy is an ugly thing

I’ll help her to see that she will not find God
or salvation in a dark brick building
built by dead men

I’ll make sure she always carries a pen
so she can take down evidence
If she has no paper, I’ll teach her to
write everything down with her tongue,
write it on her thighs

I’ll make her keep reinventing herself and run fast
I’ll teach her to write her manifestos
on cocktail napkins
I’ll say she should make men lick her ambition
I’ll make her understand that she is worth more
with her clothes on
I’ll teach her to talk hard

I’ll tell her that when the words come too fast
and she has no use for a pen
that she must quit her job
run out of the house in her bathrobe
leave the door open
I’ll teach her to follow the words

They will try to make her stay
comfort her, let her sleep, bathe her in a television blue glow
I will cut her hair, tell her to light the house on fire
kill the kittens
When nothing is there
nothing will keep her
and she is not to be kept

I’ll say that everything she has done seen spoken
has brought her to the here this now
This is no time for tenderness
no time to stand, waiting for them to find her
There are nations within her skin
Queendoms come without keys you can carry

I’ll teach her that she has an army inside her
that can save her life
I’ll teach her to be whole, to be holy
I’ll teach her how to live,
to be so much that she doesn’t even
need me anymore
I’ll teach her to go quickly and never come back
Things get broken fast here

I’ll make her stronger
than I ever was

Turned at twenty she’ll break into bits of star and throw herself against the sky

(2006 is an excellent year to disappear)

I will not let them
distroy her life
the way they distroyed
mine

I’ll tell her to never forget
what they did to you
and never let them know
you remember

Never forget
what they did to you
and never let them know
you remember

Never forget
what they did to you
and never let them know
you remember"