Giving Up or Letting Go?

I find myself at another reevaluation point. This time centering mainly on my relationships with people and what I want for myself within them.

I've been spending too much time recently dwelling on my relationships that have started to fade away. I find myself reaching out to these people, working to get their attention, longing for us to communicate again, to be important to each other again. I've been wanting what we used to have. Or more correctly, what I thought we had.

These women are fabulous people and I don't doubt that our friendships were true or that I wasn't important to them at some point, but I'm realizing that I may have placed more attention, more importance on them than they ever did. That there's a lot going on in their lives and I'm someone for them that can be let go.

And I'm finding that I'm ok with this. I miss them. I miss what I thought was there. I miss what was indeed there. But I also know what it's like to need the time to step back from everyone who isn't vital. The dissolution of friendships always hurts a bit, but it's life. We love people. They love us. For some amount of time, in some world, in some situation. We care and if we're lucky we help one another grow. If we're lucky, we have moments to remember. If we're lucky, we think to send good messages, good vibes their way.


In realizing that there are some relationships I need to let go, it becomes easier for me to remember that there are also relationships worth working at. Relationships that still have life in them-- they just might need some help. People who are physically nearby who make my days sillier and happier and more alive. People who I've stopped appreciating recently, who I've let slide because life's gotten crazy. The ones who I long to spend time with but keep putting off because there will "always be time" to get together.

The people who are in other states, but who still mean the world to me. Who the bond runs so deep with that conversations once a month still work. Ones where I know to say congratulations (on her engagement) without her even telling me that's why she was calling. Ones where we play phone tag for a while, where one of us gets too busy to contact the other--but we keep calling. Ones based heavily on emails or IMs, that don't feel any less real or special or important.

It's time to refocus. To be willing to start at whatever point we left off at. To make the time to see or to call them. To go out even when I'm exhausted and just want to go home and be alone. My relationships make me feel alive. They remind me of why I care about this world. Why I care about living. Why it is that I love.

My relationships are worth fighting for. And worth letting go.