Another "First"

I start my first "adult" job tomorrow. My first job with good pay, nice benefits, 8:30-5:00pm schedule, traveling for work. My first job in downtown Chicago, with lots of coworkers, for a respected corporation. What feels like my first "real" job as an adult.

And I'm nervous as hell. First day back to school nervous. First time abroad nervous. First day of college nervous. First date nervous. First time living within another culture nervous. First vacation by myself nervous. First apartment with people I don't know nervous. First day in a new city by myself nervous.

I used to get so nervous the night before school would start. Even in college. Even after I had been doing the same thing year after year for 17 years- my stomach would still feel wobbly, my mind would race a million miles an hour, anxiety coursed my veins. I'm there again right now- reliving the fears of all those firsts in conjunction with this next first.

I'm finding that it makes me feel alive. That it makes me happy that things are still exciting enough to get nervous about. The hope of what this next step could bring. The memories of what putting myself out there in the past has brought. The knowledge that hard work and fate have brought me to this very point in my life.